12:00 - 14:00
Life
-
Kermode's 12 rants of Christmas: Day 12
To celebrate the last Mayo and Kermode show of 2009, we're listing 12 movies that have been on the receiving end of a Kermode rant.
The final film is Marley And Me, which Mark generously describes as "grammatically incorrect poop". A romantic comedy that makes our critic feel sick and mad at the same time.
Don't miss Mark and Simon's 2009 review show on 1st January 2010, featuring their favourite movies of the year.
"Intergalactically stupid"
Angels & Demons
Tom Hanks loses the mullet for the return of Robert Langdon, but Mark wishes he hadn't bothered. Amid a lot of running, pointing and explaining, there's a clunky plot which proves nigh on impossible to fathom.
"It's like walking into a glass door"
Couples Retreat
One of the handful of films that was ranked worse than Bride Wars, Couples Retreat gets the full Kermode seal of disapproval. A completely flat movie with no laughter, joy or believable situations. Sounds good right?
"It's a film with a rotten heart"
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Filmed at the 2009 Edinburgh Film Festival, Mark goes straight for the jugular when reviewing Michael Bay's big summer blockbuster. Hear him cry: "It's not good enough" as he pleads for the end of cash-till driven franchises.
"It's like an accountant wrote the plot"
2012
Roland Emmerich's action film, starring John Cusack, is pulled to pieces as Mark struggles to come to terms with its running time, plot, financial motivations and heavy use of CGI effects. A real disaster movie.
"For heaven's sake Nic... try harder than this"
Knowing
What happens when the numbers run out? Kermode doesn't really care. Featuring the best Nicolas Cage impression you'll see on this site. He's one of the "most versatile actors of all time" don't you know...
"The script is a total dog's dinner"
Lesbian Vampire Killers
A comedy-horror that relies on the same joke being repeated, over and over again. Mind you, it's better than Zombie Strippers. Filmed with help from members of the audience at Leeds' Hyde Park Picture House as part of 5 live's Film Weekend.
"I thought that flashing ceased to be funny"
Observe and Report
Following the adventures of Paul Blart, Observe and Report is one too many mall cop movies for the good doctor. Its case isn't helped by the fact that it only contains "two and a half laughs in it".
"Life-threateningly dull"
Terminator Salvation
Director McG (pronouced McGeeeeee apparently) feels the brunt of a classic Kermodian rant as he is labelled a director who "CAN'T MAKE FILMS". Mark also provides a unique explanation for Christian Bale's notorious on-set rant.
"A whole other universe of not funny"
Dance Flick
The latest parody movie from the Wayan's brothers is the last straw for Mark. Devoid of humour, originality and "actively annoying", Dr K calls for the enormous film making family to be punished for their crimes against the big screen.
"A whole bunch of hooey"
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Despite 13 Oscar nominations, David Fincher's tale of a man who ages in reverse failed to captivate the good doctor. He describes it as "Forrest Gump with A-levels" bemoaning its lack of narritive and fluffy sentimentality.
"If there are 10 worse films this year, I quit"
Bride Wars
Mark's year begins with a bang, as his first film review of 2009 forces him to put his career on the line. Don't worry, his job's safe. Bride Wars remains among his top 10 turkeys of the year, and by the sound of it, probably the decade.
Mark Kermode's film archive
Have you browsed our archive of The Good Doctor's past reviews?
You can listen and watch reviews from the past year to help you find the best way to spend a night at the cinema or on the sofa.
Kermode: The Bounty Hunter, 19 Mar 10
Dr K in is LA, while Simon's in West London. The pair link up across the Atlantic to bring you Mark Kermode's apoplectic review of The Bounty Hunter, starring Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler. The impressive The Scouting Book For Boys and Jackie Chan's new The Spy Next Door are also reviewed.
© MMX
Bookmark with:
What's this?